On Birthdays

Last week, Monkey celebrated his 7th birthday. It was a big deal. Days and days of anticipation, the purchasing of gifts, the making of a cake, culminating in birthday crowns, candles, and a good old-fashioned party.

I remember so many years of that youthful anticipation and excitement. Birthdays used to be a month long endeavor, filled with so many "I just can't wait!!"s that it felt like I would die before the day would ever come. And now I wonder, when did that end?

This year, my birthday fell amidst returning home, a wedding, and a lot of random busy things. There was a special Skype call with friends across the ocean. There were family and friends and ice cream. There were cards and a gift (that definitely fell on the "need" list, as opposed to the "want" list). There was a surprise breakfast with old friends. But it just sort of slipped passed. No big hurrah. I wonder when it was that I became okay with that.

I don't care about the excitement anymore, which I suppose is an inevitable landmark of "adulthood". I'm a little nostalgic for the days when I cared, but I'm also not terribly torn up that they have passed.

Which is precisely why it is so great to be around kids, who feel the excitement, who induce anticipation, and let it spill over until you can't help but be excited with them. So instead of pining for the excitement of birthdays past, or feeling the pressure of fabricating excitement for future birthdays, I am content reveling in the pure joy shared by the young ones.

Scars

Scars tell stories. Stories of pain, clumsiness, danger. They are reminders of when things have gone awry in the past. Some are amusing and entertaining, others are simply painful. But no matter what the stories evolve into, they all start in the same place. They all start with pain.

The scar up the side of my leg tells the story of the time that I had an unfortunate run-in with a pick axe. The blob of distorted skin on my knee is from that one time I was visiting my eldest sister in Philadelphia when I was probably 7 or 8 and I tripped on the sidewalk. Those white lines there above my knee? Those were the work of an overly enthusiastic dog. That one shaped like an ice cream cone/Santa's head/speech bubble is the reminder of the best vacation I ever had. The streak across my pointer finger is reminiscent of touching a hot frying pan.

Physical healing is amazing. Days and days go by of new skin cells forming and overtaking the old damaged ones. Then one day, the pain is gone...no more stinging, itching, burning. All that's left is the faint reminder. And the story.

Emotional pain and scars are a different story. That is a healing process that is very much hidden, not seen by the eye, only felt by the heart. When a heart is broken, it leaves a scar, and that scar tells a story, and that story starts with pain. But the pain needs time to heal, often times more time than an external scar.

The realm of broken hearts is a dangerous one indeed. We would prefer to avoid the pain, speed up the process, and lure ourselves into a false sense of healing. There's one good day when you don't feel the brokenness and you hope against all hopes that it is gone for good. And because you can't see it, you try to believe it. Until the next day when the pain creeps up again, and your heart feels like it's being broken all over again.

Healing is an amazing thing. To be able to look back at pain, and not feel it's sting anymore, but simply acknowledging it's presence and influence on your life. Some wounds seem like they will never heal, but given time and love, anything is possible.
 
In the end, when the pain starts to fade, you are left with an opportunity for maturity and growth, a lesson learned, and of course, a story.

August 19, 2011: A Day in Photos

About two weeks ago, I had an idea.

It was about 11pm, and I was probably looking at some photo blog or another, just unwinding at the end of the day. Then I thought, how cool would it be if I had a bunch of my friends join me in my Photo-a-Day project for just one day. Have everyone take a few photos of whatever they were doing, wherever they were, on one specific day. So I picked a random day the following week, and created an event on our favorite social networking site. I invited all my friends, and waited.

I had, what was for me, an overwhelmingly positive response. I figured that I could probably twist the arms of those in Singapore with me and my family members--I was hoping for maybe 10 contributors tops. What I got was close to 70 yays.

August 19th came and went, and I sent out pleading emails and texts to remind everyone to take and send me their photos.

In the end (including myself), there were 43 contributors representing 9 countries, and a total of 155 photos (more than I could have hoped for!). I'm really proud of everyone who came through!

Along with their photos, a lot of people told me how much fun they had had taking photos that day. That they went on an awesome walk or took photos of things that they do or see every day but had never thought to take a photo of before. Most of the time, we only take photos of special events, to record once in a lifetime things. But if you think about it, there are a lot of little special things that we see or do that we take for granted. From doing a Photo-a-Day, I've learned to seek those things out rather than waiting for them to show up. I am so glad to have been able to share in that similar experience with all the contributors on August 19.

Stay tuned for the next Day in Photos opportunity!!

Ten Years

Ten years is a long time. Babies are born, trees get really big, kids grow up, grown-ups get married, cities evolve, friendships are formed and others dissolve, things change. And yet, we have an amazing propensity to remember those changes as we face them, and we file them away in the form of memories.

I remember August 19, 2001 like it was yesterday. I honestly can't believe that it's been a decade. I won't be able to tell you what the weather was like, or what I ate for lunch, or who I had a conversation with that afternoon. What I can tell you is that that night, my Mom's Dad passed away.

We were sitting in the living room, playing a card game. It was sometime after 9 pm, and my younger cousins were sound asleep in various rooms around the house. When the phone rang, I knew in my gut what it was. Grandpa is gone. Even though we knew to expect it, it still came as a blow. Shoes were gathered, kids carried groggily to the car, and we all piled in. I was sitting in the seat directly behind the driver's seat.

It's funny the details you remember from a day so long ago. I remember sitting in the car wondering why I wasn't crying yet. I even laughed about something ridiculous (and probably inappropriate), but then, laughing has always been my coping mechanism. I remember how it felt like the world had stopped, and that nothing mattered but getting to the Hospice. Then the tears finally came, and I remember wondering why they wouldn't stop.

We all crowded into a lounge type room, my family members, the pastor of our church, and some other people I can't place. My cousin was asleep on the couch and everyone was talking in low voices. And then one of my parents asked if I wanted to go see him. I followed them across the hall into the room that was so familiar due to the daily visits of the previous month. And there he was, but it wasn't him. I remember saying that. It was just a shell, Grandpa wasn't there anymore. I held his hand one last time and said my goodbyes.

It's so vivid in my mind, it could have happened yesterday. We still miss you Grandpa R, but we know that you are having the time of your life with Grandma right now.

First day of School!! First day of School!!

It's hard to comprehend, as someone who has spent the better part of her life as a student, that there could be a better day than the first day of summer. It's the day that screams FREEDOM for a whole 3 months.

But I have found such a day. And it is the first day of school. As they read this, students everywhere are cringing and thinking "Why, why would she say such a thing?!" I never thought I would say it, but it is true.

I now join multitudes of mothers (though I am not a mother quite yet), in their feeling of elation that only comes as their kids leave the house, backpacks in tow, for another year of education. The house is quiet and still, and there is an aura of productivity in the air.

Kids are awesome and fun to have around, but it's hard to beat the ability to clean the kitchen uninterrupted (and for it to stay clean for more than 5 minutes!), to fold laundry without the neat piles being tossed around and jumped on, and to sit on one's backside, responding to emails, enjoying a cup of tea, and playing Monopoly.

Ah yes, the first day of school...

Conversations with Cabbies

Normally a conversation with a cab driver goes something like this: "Um I'm going to the Woodlands near the American school. Do you know Woodgrove Ave?" "Yes yes. Go by BKE or PIE?" "From here? PIE. Thanks. Are you having a good day?" "Yes. Fine" and that's that. You listen to some bad eighties rock or the news in Chinese and then the ride is over. But every now and then you get a driver who talks your ear off about the most fascinating things, dropping little nuggets of wisdom or simply describing an interesting life story.

Once I spent the half hour drive to the airport talking about food-- our favorite things to eat and where to go to get them. Another airport drive was spent listening to a lengthy monologue about why Singapore has so many trees and ended with him telling me to be careful on my trip to Indonesia and to be sure not to get mugged.

Some drivers have inquired about my life, where I work and about my family. When we get around to this they generally ask what my parents think about me living so far away and agree that I'm too young to get married.

Every now and then I get to here a life history. Like the guy who has been driving cabs for just over two years and before that had been charge of inventory at a grocery store chain for decades. That is, until a larger chain bought them out and he was out of a job. And that's when he became a cab driver.

The other day I had a driver who's only been driving taxis for nine months. He retired from his engineering job of 40 years(!), spent a few years traveling, and then decided that sitting around the house doing nothing wasn't cutting it. Apparently his wife agreed. So he started driving cabs. He told me about all the job offers that he's gotten from people riding with him, but that if he wanted to be an engineer again, he would go back to his old company.


One time, the simple question of "Are you having a good day?" got me an emphatic explanation about how we need to take each day as it comes. The driver had been cheated out of a fare the day prior and that day had been inspired by his niece to be thankful for every day that we have and to treat it as a clean slate.



So many times we treat cab drivers like the people next to us on the train--strangers with strange lives, of which we aren't a part of. But we are a part of their lives, and they a small part of ours. There is hardly a better venue to share stories, bits and pieces of who we are, and to bless or be blessed by a complete stranger.

Branded.

It started in High School. My friend Rose, an exceptional artist, had been doodling on my arm during Biology, when I turned to her and said, "Will you design me a tattoo some day?". She looked at me, a little taken aback, and said "Sure!". So a year later, I had her design my first tattoo--a small cross with the "Proverbs 3" written up the side.

I sat on the design for a while and after Christmas in 2006, Rose, my friend Annemarie, and I made an excursion to the Tattoo Studio. Thus appeared the small black tattoo on my right ankle. And my introduction to the world of body art.

A year and a half later, I found myself living in Senegal for a semester abroad. Shortly after I arrived, I decided I wanted to memorize Romans 8. I kept getting stuck on the verses about Creation, and how ALL of Creation was waiting to be redeemed and reconciled to God. And then I started thinking about Colossians 1. "All things were created by Him and for Him, thing in Heaven and things on Earth." and it's connection to Romans 8.

An image came into my head and started nagging at my mind. It was a picture of a globe, with those words surrounding it. For weeks it lingered in my brain. So I emailed Rose, told her what I was thinking, and asked if she would design it for me. And so she did.

I immediately fell in love with the design, it was exactly what I had imagined. It went up on my wall, as a "some day" tattoo. On the back burner it stayed, stewing, for almost 3 years. Until yesterday.

Working on the design.

Working on me.

Final product

Little did I know that the inspired design of 3 years prior would come to mean more than originally intended. It has evolved to not only serve as a reminder that ALL things were created by God and for Him, but also as a more personal reminder of where I have been and where I am going. It's a reminder of my past--living in Pakistan and Senegal; my present--living in Singapore; and my future--going where ever God leads me.

It isn't done yet...In a few months time text will be added to read "All things were created by Him and for Him; things in Heaven, and things on Earth".

And that is the story of how I got branded.